A Hole in the World: Finding Hope in Rituals of Grief and Healing
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- Create Date：2022-07-21 13:21:37
- Update Date：2025-09-06
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- Author：Amanda Held Opelt
- ISBN：1546001891
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Reviews
Laura Zielke
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Allow me to introduce you to a new author who just published her first book: Amanda Held Opelt。 Amanda has a passion for helping people and has spent over 15 years working as a humanitarian in dangerous situations。 She blogs about religion， grieving， and creativity。 And now， she’s written a book。 Prior to the release of her book， I only knew Amanda Held Opelt as the younger sister of Rachel Held Evans。 Rachel was a New York Times bestselling author （I reviewed one of her books here）， a beloved s Allow me to introduce you to a new author who just published her first book: Amanda Held Opelt。 Amanda has a passion for helping people and has spent over 15 years working as a humanitarian in dangerous situations。 She blogs about religion， grieving， and creativity。 And now， she’s written a book。 Prior to the release of her book， I only knew Amanda Held Opelt as the younger sister of Rachel Held Evans。 Rachel was a New York Times bestselling author （I reviewed one of her books here）， a beloved speaker， and progressive theologian who co-founded the Evolving Faith conference and online community for people who don’t feel welcome or comfortable in traditional church。 During a season of tremendous personal loss including multiple miscarriages and the death of a beloved grandmother， Amanda was blindsided by the unexpected hospitalization of her big sister， Rachel， who died less than a month later。 Just like that her only sibling was suddenly and forever gone。 When Rachel died， it was like a gut punch to everyone who knew her and many of us who only knew her work。 She left behind a loving husband， a toddler， and a baby who had not yet turned one。 Her family and friends rallied to honor her legacy， none more so than her younger sister and only sibling， Amanda， the author of the book I’m reviewing。 I watched Rachel’s funeral online。 For me， I felt like I had to be there because Rachel’s work had really touched my life。 Space was intentionally created so attendees—both virtual and in person—could mourn and question the loss。 The heartbreak was palpable even online。 So。 Much。 Loss。 My mom told me that losing a sibling is one of the hardest losses she’s ever had to face because they did life together， always。 Amanda， the author of A Hole in the World: Finding Hope in Rituals of Grief and Healing， faced not only the loss of her big sister， but also the trauma of multiple miscarriages and the loss of a beloved grandmother within a relatively short period of time。 How does one mourn that much loss？ American culture is uniquely avoidant of emotional discomfort—especially exhibition of strong negative emotions—and typically allows only a few days or at most a couple weeks for us to mourn our losses and move on。 For example， my husband’s employer—a global corporation—allows only three days for mourning the death of an immediate family member。 After that， you’re expected to be back at work， focused on WORK。 All Norms Are Not Created Equal Opelt’s work challenges this expectation and her research confirms that this “Western” norm is far from normal in other parts of the world today， not to mention throughout thousands of years of history。 Would it surprise you to learn that numerous cultures allow people much more time for the grieving process？ That there are rituals specifically designed to help us authentically mourn—and stay in the sadness， because it’s okay to be sad and not “celebrate life” for a while？ The truth is you cannot think your way out of grief。 You cannot perform your way through it。 There is no wellness routine or therapist that can get rid of it for you。 You cannot pray it away。 You cannot numb your feelings forever or circumvent the sorrow and go straight to the redemption。 Sometimes we have to allow grief to have its way with us for a while。 Page 13 A Hole in the World: Finding Hope in Rituals of Grief and Healing is not an indulgent memoir。 It is a deeply researched and insightful book about grief rituals and how they can help us keep on living after tremendous loss。 Forgetting how to grieve When did we forget how to grieve？ The author’s quest for answers to this question led her to discover that many of the rituals used for hundreds （or thousands of years） to support the process of grieving—and retaining memory of their loved ones—have disappeared。 But why？ In this raw and fascinating exploration of bereavement， Opelt documents the history of human grief practices （primarily from Abrahamic religious traditions so as not to culturally appropriate） and how previous generations journeyed through difficult periods of suffering。 Together。 In Community。 Rituals actually help Woven throughout recollections of the author’s memories and experiences， Opelt shares what she’s discovered in her research on twelve distinctly different grieving rituals， some of which are no longer practiced。 I believe wholeheartedly in the power of shared story。 We need the guidance and wisdom gained by others who have gone before us on the journey of grief。 We need solidarity， to feel like we are not alone， and we are not crazy。 It was that conviction that led me to explore historic rituals of grief in the first place。” Page 127 History of Grief Rituals The author explores the how， when， where， who， and why of each ritual with no judgment or evaluation。 Her research is based on pure curiosity， and her discoveries are both enlightening and intriguing。 She describes: the Irish tradition of wailing and how it serves to call those gathered into a communal grieving of the loss all in a safe space where there is no judgment; the Victorian tradition of post-mortem photography to assist in remembering the person lost as they were since time and circumstance often change how we remember people; the Jewish practice of “sitting shiva” where we can rest on the support of our community when God feels absent; the tradition of wearing specific clothes （e。g。， black dress or black suit） which signifies to others in the community that they are in mourning; and， of course， the tradition of nutritious and/or comfort food brought by friends and neighbors to feed grieving families and friends。 The rituals are fascinating and purpose-full。 They are practiced not to make things worse than they are， but to bring a sense of peace and reconciliation into the present。 To help the mourning find their way from darkness to light—with no pressure to hurry up and get over it。 As Opelt writes， “To me， the work of grief is less about release and more about learning how to hold on in a way that is healthy and whole…Grief is learning to endure， to bear up under the beautiful burden of love。” Page 144 Shared Rituals Ease Grieving Grief rituals are shared only by the living。 They are passed down from one generation to the next with great care， yet some have fallen out of favor or become impractical in today’s society。 In Opelt’s Afterword， she reminds the reader how and why certain rituals fell into disfavor and/or out of use。 The reasons are both logical and compelling。 As we come out of a global pandemic （we are coming out of it， right？） where more than 6。3 million people worldwide have died from the COVID-19 virus and its mutant offspring， it’s critical that we reflect on our own grief rituals and make a plan to keep the ones that we don’t want to lose。 “As we have seen， large scale catastrophic events sometimes create irreversible shifts in the way we grieve…Some rituals shift for good reasons。 But some are lost without any thought toward tending to the emotional need that was beneath the practice。 What rituals will this pandemic steal from us？” Page 209 Recommendation The book felt a little choppy in places; however， the overall theme of each chapter is clear。 The research is solid， the insights profound。 The book as a whole is a treasure for anyone in grief—even if your grief is the loss of a longtime friendship or the death of a dream。 I am glad I read it。 I learned a lot， and I’ve got a lot of tools to help me in my grief。 Highly recommended。 Graphics & Photo credits: All photos licensed for use on this blog by Laura Zielke unless otherwise noted below。Woman Standing Near Coffin photo by Pavel Danilyuk。Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention it on my blog。 Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links。” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item， I will receive an affiliate commission。 Regardless， I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers。 I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR， Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising。” 。。。more
Caroline Hardin
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The past two years have been an exercise in reevaluating my place in a community。 I stopped going to church， I worked from home， we homeschooled our child， we moved 100 miles away from our 10 year hometown。 This shift brought with it an uninvited houseguest of grief。 It tried to convince me it went by many other names: loneliness， burnout， depression， exhaustion， but I knew it best as a bone deep weariness with sharp corners。 I couldn’t accept it as grief， how could I when others had lost so muc The past two years have been an exercise in reevaluating my place in a community。 I stopped going to church， I worked from home， we homeschooled our child， we moved 100 miles away from our 10 year hometown。 This shift brought with it an uninvited houseguest of grief。 It tried to convince me it went by many other names: loneliness， burnout， depression， exhaustion， but I knew it best as a bone deep weariness with sharp corners。 I couldn’t accept it as grief， how could I when others had lost so much more than I had？ When I could take some amount of responsibility for all of my own loss？ This is how I came to Amanda’s book， ground down and hardened to the cycles of grief that would accost me with each bit of bad news or wave of infections。 I am not a naturally ritualistic person， so my toolbox consisted of tears， takeout， and late nights alone， staying awake as long as I could bear it just to have some semblance of control。 Amanda is a dear friend who has marked my life with annotated observations， once delivering a chocolate torte and an “I see you in your isolation” card。 I cried tears that had been building up for months。 This book is a manifestation of that meticulous caretaking， that special talent of noticing the small and quiet and desperately important。 Amanda chronicles 12 grief rituals （mainly rooted in Abrahamic religion and European tradition in an effort to stay within her own cultural lane） by taking the reader through the tragedy of losing her sister and multiple pregnancies。 Her sister， well known and beloved author Rachel Held Evans， died of flu complications in 2019， leaving Amanda as a sudden only child。 An outpouring of love from her supporters and fans soon followed， with hundreds （if not thousands） of people sharing their memories of her and how her work and person had shaped their lives and spiritual beliefs。 In Amanda’s book， she talks about the ownership of grief and the strange， wobbly hold she kept on her understanding of the cultural and social expectations she faced in the aftermath。 “Those of us who hold up sobbing relatives， who tend to the funeral plans， who open the doors to receive the casseroles， who finish the paperwork， who plod through the eulogies without blubbering–we are affirmed for our composure， praised for our resilience。，” she says in the first chapter， Keening。 With this stoicism as a cornerstone of who she knew herself to be， she was quickly shocked by the realities of grief。 The rituals and practices she outlines in the next 12 chapters are a mix of those that feel wholly natural in our current society （casseroles and sympathy cards） and those that seem completely inappropriate and strange （funeral games and decoration day）。 I often found myself in tears， remembering my own loss and finding my heartbreak named over and over again in the pages。 Some chapters were more in depth than others， but the earnestness and vulnerability never wavered。 As someone who has stepped away from a past involvement with the American Evangelical movement， I was pleasantly surprised to find myself unbothered by the references to her faith。 Amanda approaches the subject in a similar way to her sister， as a liturgical practice to soothe one’s soul in the same way that religious adherents have for thousands of years， versus a moral high ground from which to preach hellfire and brimstone。 In this way I found it deeply comforting， like sitting in a stained-glass-lit chapel in comfortable solitude。 The references to biblical themes required a baseline understanding of the Judeo-Christian belief system， but I found nothing taken out of context in a way that I felt drastically warped the meaning to her narrative。 There are few books that I find myself purchasing in duplicates as gifts for friends， but I will be passing this book along to anyone I know who is dealing with grief in a sanitized culture that has left us largely unprepared to process tragedies of any scale。 I would recommend this for people who connect with Rachel Held Evans’s work， as well as Kate Bowler’s Everything Happens for a Reason: And Other Lies I've Loved。 I am proud to know Amanda， and thrilled that the rest of the world now gets to witness her humble brilliance。 。。。more
Melodie Ellison
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I was given an advance copy of “A Hole in the World” by Amanda Held Opelt to read/review。 I had read books by Amanda’s sister—Rachel Held Evans。 Her books made me feel seen。 We’d shared similar struggles/similar hopes。 We were of the same generation， Rachel just a few months younger than me。 If we’d gone to the same school， we would have been classmates。Rachel tragically died at the age of 37。 When I heard the news， I cried because I thought of her family， & because I thought of what a brilliant I was given an advance copy of “A Hole in the World” by Amanda Held Opelt to read/review。 I had read books by Amanda’s sister—Rachel Held Evans。 Her books made me feel seen。 We’d shared similar struggles/similar hopes。 We were of the same generation， Rachel just a few months younger than me。 If we’d gone to the same school， we would have been classmates。Rachel tragically died at the age of 37。 When I heard the news， I cried because I thought of her family， & because I thought of what a brilliant， compassionate mind the world had lost。In “A Hole in the World” Amanda shares her own experiences with grief。 She also shares an interesting collection of grief rituals from around the world/across cultures。 Most of these rituals are no longer performed， but Amanda makes a strong case for bringing some back。 For example， if we still wore black while mourning the loss of loved ones， the outside world might treat us more gently because our grief would be visible。A lot of the rituals in “A Hole in the World” are essentially about embracing your grief。 Amanda points out that in our modern world， the best compliment you can give a grieving person is to say how strong they are—how well they’re holding it together。 But is this even natural？ Shouldn’t we be falling apart when someone who felt essential to our very existence is gone？And then there are those of us who don’t know how to grieve because we either become numb just to survive， or we fall apart。 Those are my two modes in grief—either feel nothing or feel everything。 While grieving the death of a friend several years ago， I lost almost a year。 I have very few memories of anything I did that year， I was so consumed by grief。 I also felt very alone。 Grief rituals can give a blueprint to a community on how to grieve。 In the rituals you find the path to feel your grief without losing yourself in it。 In the rituals your community knows how to support you。I wish we still did many of the rituals in this book， & I half think I might try to incorporate some into my life。 Overall， this book gave me a lot to think about grief & death。 It left me feeling raw at times， but I’m thankful for the information I gleaned from it。 。。。more
Joan
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When a loved one dies， they leave a hole in your world。 The sister of Rachel Held Evans reflects on the sorrow， the confusion， the unanswered questions that come with an untimely death。Opelt notes that， while we are taught many life skills， grieving is not one of them。 She found that grieving rituals helped her in the grieving journey。 While she writes some about her thoughts on God， the primary focus of the book is the impact rituals have on experiencing grief。 She weaves interesting historical When a loved one dies， they leave a hole in your world。 The sister of Rachel Held Evans reflects on the sorrow， the confusion， the unanswered questions that come with an untimely death。Opelt notes that， while we are taught many life skills， grieving is not one of them。 She found that grieving rituals helped her in the grieving journey。 While she writes some about her thoughts on God， the primary focus of the book is the impact rituals have on experiencing grief。 She weaves interesting historical information on the customs into the significance each ritual plays in the grieving journey。While each of the twelve rituals she covers has value， I found a few of them gave me much to think about。 In writing about sitting shivah， Opelt recognizes the need to feel the pain and not avoid it。 It helped her think through her idea of God， realizing He doesn't always behave the way we think He should。 She found she could “。。。experience the presence of God even in the absence of peace。” （829/2812） The section on casseroles reminded me of the need for physical sustenance and restoration。 Her comments on post mortem photography was a stark reminder of the importance of not being forgotten。 Her insights on sympathy cards and the changed language they contain was telling， as was how we have outsourced dying and death to hospitals and funeral homes。Opelt admits she has not figured out grief。 She is still fumbling her way through it。 But she does know God has been there。 While no two people experience grief the same way， this book will help readers understand the process of letting grief have its way。 I recommend the book for those grieving and for those who want to gain insights into the process。I received a complimentary egalley of this book from the publisher。 My comments are an independent and honest review。 。。。more
Monica
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Are you grieving or do you know someone who is？ A Hole In the World by Amanda Held Opelt may be just the book to read right now。Opelt is the sister of New York Times' bestselling writer， Rachel Held Evans， who passed away in 2019。 Opelt also had three miscarriages nad her grandmother passed away shortly before her sister。 This writer suffered a big season of loss and she chose to write about it in this book。 A Hole In the World is a mix of her personal stories along with some history of the ritu Are you grieving or do you know someone who is？ A Hole In the World by Amanda Held Opelt may be just the book to read right now。Opelt is the sister of New York Times' bestselling writer， Rachel Held Evans， who passed away in 2019。 Opelt also had three miscarriages nad her grandmother passed away shortly before her sister。 This writer suffered a big season of loss and she chose to write about it in this book。 A Hole In the World is a mix of her personal stories along with some history of the rituals of grief in both our modern world and through the ages from Bible times forward。 The book begins as the author navigates Ash Wednesday after her sister died。 She is struggling to understand her own grief process and what it means to grieve well。 As she struggles to find those answers， she takes the reader through the rituals of grief through the ages: Keening， Covering Mirrors， Sitting Shivah， Wearing Black， Sympathy Cards and more。 I found a lot of this information to be fascinating。 I especially enjoyed the chapter on Telling the Bees relating to fear， Casseroles and feeding the body， and Sympathy Cards relating to words。 A Hole in the World is a book to make the reader think and reflect。 I simply couldn't read it fast。 I would read and then take time to reflect。 I could relate to much of what the author shared in her personal experiences in some way as I grieved my own losses in the past。 I also appreciated all of the history of grieving practices both in the Bible times and through the ages。 I found it all interesting。 Opelt writes in such a way that the book is easy to read and relate to， even though it is somewhat deep in places。 Besides reading the book individually， A Hole in the World would be a good book for those working in grief counseling and in groups where grief is processed together。 There are no discussion questions in the back， but I believe the book would generate a lot of discussion in those settings。I received an Advanced Copy of this book from the publisher。 All opinions within this review are my own。 。。。more
Kendall Vanderslice
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Amanda is well-acquainted with grief， but this book is not merely a reflection on her experience of loss—it is an exploration of the many different ways people have processed grief throughout history and around the world。 While grieving can feel incredibly isolating， this book instead elevates the universal experience that is loss。 This is a book I'll be buying many copies of to give to friends in times of grief who need to know they are not alone。 Amanda is well-acquainted with grief， but this book is not merely a reflection on her experience of loss—it is an exploration of the many different ways people have processed grief throughout history and around the world。 While grieving can feel incredibly isolating， this book instead elevates the universal experience that is loss。 This is a book I'll be buying many copies of to give to friends in times of grief who need to know they are not alone。 。。。more
Andrew
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In A Hole in the World， Amanda Held Opelt opened up about how she had to learn to survive in our trying season of her life。 In the book， she shared how she experienced three miscarriages。 She lost her sister， Rachel Held Evans （blogger and New York Times best-selling author） unexpectedly passed away due to the flu at age 37。 She had a few brain seizures。 She shared how her last post was right before lent and she promised to post some more post and never got the chance to。 She left behind her hus In A Hole in the World， Amanda Held Opelt opened up about how she had to learn to survive in our trying season of her life。 In the book， she shared how she experienced three miscarriages。 She lost her sister， Rachel Held Evans （blogger and New York Times best-selling author） unexpectedly passed away due to the flu at age 37。 She had a few brain seizures。 She shared how her last post was right before lent and she promised to post some more post and never got the chance to。 She left behind her husband， her 11-month year old daughter， and three-year-old son。 She also had a miscarriage shortly after her sister’s death。 In the book， she explored the twelve rituals of bereavement。 Mostly she looked at the Western culture and Abrahamic。One of my favorites that she looked at was the one on casseroles and how this relates to the body and grief。 We may feel fatigue， experience headaches， joint pain， changes in our sleeping cycles， eating habits， and much more。 Grief can cause us to have higher levels of cortisol and experience stress。 We could be more prone to cardiac risks and reduced immune systems。 We also have a 40% chance of death when we lose a spouse。 She opened up about her pregnancy and how she had a miscarriage and everything she felt。 She explained how when someone dies there is a typically a big meal provided by family and friends。 The Jewish include rolls to portray the staff of life， hard boiled eggs to symbolize nature of life。 In Switzerland， men carry lemons to place on graves to symbolize sharpness and bitterness of death。 She looked at many more examples in other countries。 Eating at a funeral helps to remind us that we’re still alive。 She shared how when Jesus raised Jairus daughter from the death the first thing he told them was to feed her。 I would recommend this amazing book on handling grief to anyone who is currently experiencing grief or will in the future。 I liked how the book explored 12 different rituals of bereavement and they can all assist us in getting through our pain and hurt。 I was touched by reading about her life story throughout the book and how she had to experience grief in different times in her life and how she was able to heal， manage， and still live her life。 I loved how she came up with the idea of looking at different counties and cultures and how they process grief。 It was very interesting and I learned a lot of knowledge I didn’t realize what other countries did。 "I received this book free from the publisher， Hachette Book Group/Faithwords for my honest review。” 。。。more
Cover Lover Book Review
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A Hole in the World: Finding Hope in Rituals of Grief and Healing made a big impact on me。 Much greater than I expected。 Although I haven’t experienced grief as often as the author has， I know how strong it can be， how fluid it is， how it lingers around every bend awaiting the most inopportune time to flood back into my mind and heart。I’ve never really thought about or looked into rituals of grief and how they might serve me。 I find many of these practices interesting， some of them strange， but A Hole in the World: Finding Hope in Rituals of Grief and Healing made a big impact on me。 Much greater than I expected。 Although I haven’t experienced grief as often as the author has， I know how strong it can be， how fluid it is， how it lingers around every bend awaiting the most inopportune time to flood back into my mind and heart。I’ve never really thought about or looked into rituals of grief and how they might serve me。 I find many of these practices interesting， some of them strange， but appreciate how these traditions of mourning give us space to grieve。 Permission， so to speak。 Oftentimes， we are expected to bounce back， return to work， continue with everyday chores， etc。 and we stuff down our feelings and ‘suck it up。’ But is that healthy？ I love how the author blurred the lines of these practices， making them fit into her steps through grief。 This book created a strong visual for me， envisioning these rituals as a vessel for my pain。 This， perhaps， made the biggest impact on me。 To use rituals as a place to place my grief。 After losing my mother during my teenage years， I didn’t know where to place my feelings of loss。 It felt unfair that I’d live out the rest of my life without my mother。 My future husband would never know her， and my future children would live their lives without their grandmother。 I wish I’d had this book during those early years， to process my pain， and to shelter it beneath my faith。This is a powerful book。 I dare say it has the potential to change your life。A few quotes from the book that spoke deeply to me:These solemn practices surrounding mourning intrigued me because I felt a distinct lack of ritual in my life in the aftermath of my losses。During the course of my study， I discovered that generations past had a robust array of rituals surrounding death that allowed mourners to be fully present in the experiences of bereavement。The thought that I could be accompanied by joy as I walk through the pain and toil of life is deeply hopeful。 It is almost as if the antidote to sorrow is savoring。But somehow， somewhere， the beauty of God’s work in my life seemed to overtake the ugliness of it all， eclipsed it in some mysterious way。First Line （Introduction）: It's high noon on Ash Wednesday and I am lost in the church basement。Genre: Christian Spiritual Growth & Grief， MemoirDisclosure: #CoverLoverBookReview received a complimentary copy of this book。 。。。more
Amy Maccready
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I have known Amanda for years， but feel like I know her even better now after reading this deeply vulnerable， beautifully-written book that is part memoir， part history。 I have not experienced the catastrophic losses that Amanda has， but since the start of 2020 I， like so many others， have experienced a series of personal losses and global tragedies that have left me deeply vulnerable to cynicism， despair， and especially numbing。 This is a book full of hope; not hope that grief will go away， but I have known Amanda for years， but feel like I know her even better now after reading this deeply vulnerable， beautifully-written book that is part memoir， part history。 I have not experienced the catastrophic losses that Amanda has， but since the start of 2020 I， like so many others， have experienced a series of personal losses and global tragedies that have left me deeply vulnerable to cynicism， despair， and especially numbing。 This is a book full of hope; not hope that grief will go away， but hope that there’s a path through it， a way to hold both grief and joy simultaneously。 I’ve always viewed grief as the final enemy， so disconnection becomes the solution; you can avoid a lot of pain if you always keep people at arms length and never love too deeply。 But in the chapter on funeral games especially， Amanda gave a vision for the way that deep grief can expand your heart to actually be able to feel joy more deeply as well。 By avoiding grief， we also miss joy。Every chapter was so rich in its historical details and personal journey。 I loved the chapter on “telling the bees”: it felt like we were sitting on the porch with her and her beekeeper husband talking about beekeeping while night falls over the mountain。 There were so many fascinating details about bees: what a swarm is， and how they sense the emotion of the beekeeper。 Though this is a book about her personal journey through grief， she did not skimp on the research， both in conversations with friends from different cultures and experiences， and in a full bibliography of scholarly research。It is a weighty book， because it’s weighty to bear witness to someone else’s grief。 While the beautiful writing made me want to keep reading， I also found I couldn’t read it fast。 A chapter a day was plenty to sit with。 It’s not a book you skim， it’s a book that stays with you over time。 。。。more
Ashley
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My goodness， I loved this book。 By strange but fortuitous luck， I was given a PDF of this text in exchange for an honest review， which I happily agreed to because I did not want to wait until the end of July to get my hands on it。This is a profoundly wise， heartfelt book。 Opelt explores various grief rituals as they relate to her own journeys of grief—multiple miscarriages， horrors witnessed as an aide worker， the untimely and unexpected death of her sister—and her faith。 This is no self-help bo My goodness， I loved this book。 By strange but fortuitous luck， I was given a PDF of this text in exchange for an honest review， which I happily agreed to because I did not want to wait until the end of July to get my hands on it。This is a profoundly wise， heartfelt book。 Opelt explores various grief rituals as they relate to her own journeys of grief—multiple miscarriages， horrors witnessed as an aide worker， the untimely and unexpected death of her sister—and her faith。 This is no self-help book。 Opelt doesn’t write as though she has popped over to the other side of grief where everything is sunshine and rainbows 。 。 。 and you can too！ She’s not selling us anything。 Instead， Opelt takes readers through the aching， difficult， lonely， gut-wrenching mess of grief。 The rituals she describes， from the anguish of keening to wearing black or receiving casseroles， are presented as little guideposts that have helped mourners stumble along through their grief， creating opportunities to process and FEEL。 I loved that Opelt tackled toxic positivity， something I think needs much more air time; we confuse the “grace” with which someone copes with their ability to looking at the bright side， which my brooding nature detests。 It always seems so dishonest to me。 Like a lament must always end with on a bright note， so others feel better， so we don’t demand too much of them。 Opelt instead insists that the beauty and the awfulness co-exist; one does not “take” from the other like joy and grief are side-by-side bank accounts。 Yes， new life and rebirth and change and greater awareness or understanding can bloom from darkness of grief， but Opelt never suggests the loss itself is worth it。 It’s AND， not OR。 Highly， highly recommended for anyone grappling with any sort of loss。 。。。more
Claire
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Thanks to Worthy Publishing for sending me a free ARC of this book， which I very much enjoyed and will definitely be recommending to friends who are working through their own grief。 Each chapter of the book is loosely structured around a different grief ritual， which is then used as a scaffolding for the personal stories and theology that flesh out the chapter。 Grief rituals are something that our modern culture sorely lacks and could benefit from adopting （though perhaps in an updated form or f Thanks to Worthy Publishing for sending me a free ARC of this book， which I very much enjoyed and will definitely be recommending to friends who are working through their own grief。 Each chapter of the book is loosely structured around a different grief ritual， which is then used as a scaffolding for the personal stories and theology that flesh out the chapter。 Grief rituals are something that our modern culture sorely lacks and could benefit from adopting （though perhaps in an updated form or fashion）， and so I found this way of structuring the book to be an effective approach。 By weaving historical， personal， and theological strands together within each chapter， the book avoids being a pure memoir， a pure history lesson， or a pure theological treatise; instead， the end result is an accessible Christian reflection on grief。 Another advantage to this format is that each chapter stands more or less on its own， so you can pick the book up and put it down easily--a big plus for a book on grief， I think， because grief absolutely shattered my attention span。 What I especially appreciated about this book is its refreshing honesty， particularly on the matter of how hard it can be to feel close to God， to love God， to want to worship God （or even believe in God） when you are grieving。 The last thing anyone needs on top of devastating grief is to feel like a "bad Christian，" but the absence of grief rituals or discussions of death and grieving in modern culture， including in the church， make it almost impossible to avoid that sneaking suspicion that you're not mourning the right way， that you're not following God the right way， that God has abandoned you and you're all alone and it will never get better。 To be clear: none of that is true， and this book makes that plain。 It doesn't give pat answers or offer quick fixes for the devastation， but it does show that you're not alone。 I wish I'd had this book when my mom died ten years ago， not long after I graduated college， because I think then I wouldn't have felt so lost， guilty， and faithless。 Grief is so isolating， and this book wrestles with that， is open about it， and， I think， succeeds in reminding us that we are not alone and not forgotten--which are two of the main things that grief often makes you believe that you are。 The bottom line here is that so much of what Amanda Opelt writes about grief rings true for me。 As with all books about grief， I find it best to take what's helpful and leave what isn't， because grief is a highly individualized experience （as the book itself says）， but for Western Christian readers there will almost certainly be more in this book that you'll find useful and reassuring than not; I kept finding passages that I wanted to save， because they were so achingly apt。 This book will move in next to CS Lewis' The Problem of Pain and Jane Yolen's Things to Say to a Dead Man as the books I recommend to friends who are navigating their own devastating circumstances， and if you're in the early or even later stages of your own grief， then I recommend it to you， too。（Also， I think it's worth noting that she wrote this book *while* grieving， which， wow-- how impressive is that？！ When I was in the first year or so of grieving my mom， I did a lot of lying on my IKEA futon and eating bag after bag of cheap chocolate。。。 and I am allergic to chocolate。 Writing a book is not going to be an achievable coping mechanism for everyone， of course， but it's certainly healthier than the one I went with！） 。。。more
Justin Lonas
，
There is a lot going on in the world， much of it hard and painful， much of it lovely and joyous， often all at once。 How do we live in the face of it？My dear friend （I've known Amanda for nearly 20 years now！） has wrestled beautifully with this tension。 Walking through deep hurt isolates and disorients， but pretending it is not there， as we are often expected to， does nothing for our wellbeing or for our neighbors'。 Grief and sorrow call us to attend to one another， sharing burdens without adding There is a lot going on in the world， much of it hard and painful， much of it lovely and joyous， often all at once。 How do we live in the face of it？My dear friend （I've known Amanda for nearly 20 years now！） has wrestled beautifully with this tension。 Walking through deep hurt isolates and disorients， but pretending it is not there， as we are often expected to， does nothing for our wellbeing or for our neighbors'。 Grief and sorrow call us to attend to one another， sharing burdens without adding new ones。 How we live toward one another in the midst of pain and loss is something too few of us have considered。 The unprocessed grief of our collective losses as a nation （throughout our history， but especially over the past 2-3 years） leave us lashing out， in a stupor， or terrified。Amanda's work capturing and applying rituals of grief from across the globe and across the centuries is a balm and a blessing。 Someday we all die; we all bury loved ones; we all suffer under the weight of a broken world。 Learning to lament， to grieve well， must be found anew。 Acknowledging the hole in our world death represents makes space for the wonder that there is still life in the midst of it。 。。。more
Donna Craig
，
I gave this book a high rating because I absolutely loved the concept behind it。 The author， inspired by her own grief， looks into old grieving traditions which are lost， or almost lost， to today’s culture。 Some examples are wailing， wearing black， and sitting shiva。 I was fascinated by the subject matter。 I thoroughly enjoyed the descriptions and histories of the traditions。 I also frequently enjoyed the flowing， essay-like style of the author’s writing。 On the other hand， I wanted the author t I gave this book a high rating because I absolutely loved the concept behind it。 The author， inspired by her own grief， looks into old grieving traditions which are lost， or almost lost， to today’s culture。 Some examples are wailing， wearing black， and sitting shiva。 I was fascinated by the subject matter。 I thoroughly enjoyed the descriptions and histories of the traditions。 I also frequently enjoyed the flowing， essay-like style of the author’s writing。 On the other hand， I wanted the author to stick more closely to her stated topics。 Before each chapter ended， I had completely forgotten its title （topic）。 。。。more
Angel Ackerman
，
This book was beautifully written， deeply honest and footnoted as richly as any academic paper I've read or written （even when studying for my masters in world history）。 It covers an amazing array of spiritual traditions and their stories/traditions of grief。 It must be an amazing resource for those deep in the throes of grief。 I lost my father six months ago today （literally as I write this， the exact day）。 I had hoped to find some guidance for what remains of my grief and sense of loss。 That s This book was beautifully written， deeply honest and footnoted as richly as any academic paper I've read or written （even when studying for my masters in world history）。 It covers an amazing array of spiritual traditions and their stories/traditions of grief。 It must be an amazing resource for those deep in the throes of grief。 I lost my father six months ago today （literally as I write this， the exact day）。 I had hoped to find some guidance for what remains of my grief and sense of loss。 That said， this book， while lovely， was too Christian-oriented to help me。 （Though I am also fairly certain it was listed as a Christian book and therefore I am probably not the target audience。）I encourage anyone who is grieving to pick it up， though I only made it through one-third of this magnificently designed （meaning visually） and researched book。 But while the author does reference other spiritual history-- Judaism and ancient myth， for example， the book may not appeal to readers of non-Abrahamic religions/concepts of God。 Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher for allowing me to review this electronic copy of the book。 。。。more
Rachel
，
A fuller review with links will eventually be here， but for now let's just say if it were possible to give this book beyond 5 stars I absolutely would。 What an incredibly moving， nuanced book on the nature of grief -- a needed word of hope for the emotions we cannot name and tame on a daily basis。 You will buy this book。 You will then read it and cry。 You will then buy copies for your friends so they too can read and cry。 You will then discuss together deep truths and healing and be more alive b A fuller review with links will eventually be here， but for now let's just say if it were possible to give this book beyond 5 stars I absolutely would。 What an incredibly moving， nuanced book on the nature of grief -- a needed word of hope for the emotions we cannot name and tame on a daily basis。 You will buy this book。 You will then read it and cry。 You will then buy copies for your friends so they too can read and cry。 You will then discuss together deep truths and healing and be more alive because of it。"Death is part of life。 Its cruelty is a reality we must accept。 And until we die， we hope。 We pray。 We approach God。 We beg。 “God， make us glad for as many years as we have seen trouble。” And， I believe， once we make an acquaintance with death， we can approach it with that same familiarity， the same audacity， the same hopeful request。 We can sing， as my ancestors did， “O， Death， won’t you spare me over ’til another year。” Please？" 。。。more
Kat Coffin
，
One chapter in， I knew this book would be life-changing。 For about three years， I have battled with grief and faith as opposing forces。 I lost friends in the year of 2019， not all to death。 Some to betrayal， some to the unknown， where I do not know if they are dead or alive and may never find out。 And Rachel's death was particularly hard for me。 I felt ashamed of how devastated I was。 I was not her sister， her best friend， her family， what right did I have to grieve for her？ My grief was a pebbl One chapter in， I knew this book would be life-changing。 For about three years， I have battled with grief and faith as opposing forces。 I lost friends in the year of 2019， not all to death。 Some to betrayal， some to the unknown， where I do not know if they are dead or alive and may never find out。 And Rachel's death was particularly hard for me。 I felt ashamed of how devastated I was。 I was not her sister， her best friend， her family， what right did I have to grieve for her？ My grief was a pebble to the landslide her circle was going through。 But I still mourned and I was still furious with God。 My last memory of Rachel is asking her to pray for one of my lost friends and her pausing in the midst of signing my book， in the middle of a line that wrapped around the building， to take my hands in prayer and ask God for protection of my friend。 How dare God take her away。 It wasn't fair。 It would never be fair。 And so I developed a bitterness towards God for all that He'd taken from me and from others。 Rachel's family didn't deserve it。 I didn't deserve it。 Where was God？ I never considered grief and faith as a harmony。 And that is what Amanda's book achieves， it balances the raw agony of grief into a melody that faith intersects with。 God does not battle the grief， He winds his way around it， wraps it into a song that I am still learning to sing。 Unsurprisingly， I cried several times during this book。 Amanda's moments of vulnerability that she shares with the courage of a thousand armies， her thoughtful reflections on the myth of the bereaved Mis in the monstrousness of her grief and the love that brought her back to humanity， and perhaps the hardest for me to read--the questions， the peace， and the prayers that I'd so firmly raged against。 I was Mis， screaming at the faith I was raised in， tearing any overtures from God to pieces。 This is a book that I will sit with for a long time， that I will return to when grief and death and loss make their inevitable intrusions into my life again and again and again。 Rachel Held Evans was the C。S。 Lewis of our time， but Amanda's book is the "A Grief Observed" of our time， one of the most important books I've ever read， a book that has rearranged spaces in my soul I thought I'd effectively destroyed。 There is no one answer to Amanda's grief or to mine。 But her book reminds us that there can be communion and healing in ritual， in fellowship， in stories， in laughter--there can be life， if we choose to seek it。 。。。more
David
，
I was provided with a electronic review copy of A HOLE IN THE WORLD by the publisher in exchange for an honest review。 Which， as always with review copies， is a little intimidating。 What if it just isn't any good？ That'd have been tough with this book， as its themes of grief and loss would have made an honest negative assessment difficult。 It was penned by the sister of Rachel Held Evans， whose books and writing consistently delighted and engaged me， and whose untimely death shook the souls of m I was provided with a electronic review copy of A HOLE IN THE WORLD by the publisher in exchange for an honest review。 Which， as always with review copies， is a little intimidating。 What if it just isn't any good？ That'd have been tough with this book， as its themes of grief and loss would have made an honest negative assessment difficult。 It was penned by the sister of Rachel Held Evans， whose books and writing consistently delighted and engaged me， and whose untimely death shook the souls of many in my corner of the faith。 But siblings don't always have the same gifts， and， well， I was a tick leery。But Lord have mercy， I loved this book。 Like， I was surprised how much I connected with it。 It's the kind of book that had me pausing at a phrase or concept， setting my tablet down， and sharing insights with my wife。 I will note that Amanda Held Opelt does not write like her sister。 It's a different voice。 Her own。 Still， like Rachel， she's smart and dryly funny， well-read and self-aware。 Her prose is tight and well wrought。 Her own encounters with suffering and loss are both personal and professional。 She shares her spiritual struggles after multiple miscarriages， and the horrors she encountered in war zones as she travelled the world in the service of Samaritan's Purse。From the ground of hard won wisdom and recent wrenching loss， she leads the reader through an exploration of grief rituals from various cultures， times and place。 In our culture， grieving and loss are something we prefer to ignore or firewall away， to the detriment of our souls。 From keening to sitting shivah， from the simple grace of a casserole to the wearing of black， Opelt explores the often-forgotten power of mourning ritual with grace， spiritual insight， and genuine pathos。 While she on repeated occasions demurs that she is "not a theologian，" her interpretation of these practices in light of scripture and Christian faith are both well informed and genuine。 It's a wonderful， hard， vital book。 I'd commend it to anyone's reading （and already have）， but it's a particular blessing to those who have known the yawning void of grief。 。。。more
Michelle
，
A Hole In The World is a Christian Memoir well-written by author Amanda Held Opelt。I believe the author’s purpose is to inform readers of the different rituals that have occurred in different cultures。 I see that in the Western world we have become perhaps civilized， as some might say， in how we mourn。 We are told not to mourn while giving a eulogy because then that is all that will be remembered。 Sympathy cards no longer mention that someone died， but give grace to those who mourn。Ms。 Opelt is A Hole In The World is a Christian Memoir well-written by author Amanda Held Opelt。I believe the author’s purpose is to inform readers of the different rituals that have occurred in different cultures。 I see that in the Western world we have become perhaps civilized， as some might say， in how we mourn。 We are told not to mourn while giving a eulogy because then that is all that will be remembered。 Sympathy cards no longer mention that someone died， but give grace to those who mourn。Ms。 Opelt is a speaker and songwriter along with writing books。 She writes about faith， grief， and creativity。 She is also the sister of deceased author Rachel Held Evans。 I believe the thesis of A Hole In The World is the stages of sorrow。A Hole In The World is organized into twelve chapters。 Including， but not limited to， anguish， memory， joy， and honor。 I thank the publisher for my ARC in order to review A Hole In The World。Disclaimer: I receive complimentary books from various sources， including， publishers， publicists， authors， and/or NetGalley。 I am not required to write a positive review and have not received any compensation。 The opinions shared here are my own entirely。 I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR， Part 255 。。。more
Richard Propes
，